I have an equation that I work with: Your short-term tasks, multiplied by time, equal your long-term accomplishments. If you work on it each day, eventually you will achieve your dream. War and Peace was written, in longhand, page by page. When you have reached your goal and you are living your dream, be sure to enjoy it. In fact, enjoy the trip, too. Give yourself some rewards along the way. Give yourself a huge reward when you get there. Help others enjoy it.
Be gracious and generous. Use your dream to better others. Then go back to No. And dream a little bigger this time! I have two dreams. But the first dream has to happen before the second one happens. First I must write the story. Should I tell you the second one? It is big. For my age.
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Posted in Personal Development. The results are consistent across genders. Many people do also choose to work long hours. Some people love their work so much that they want to spend as much time working as possible. I have felt like that at times in my career, and most of all when I have been working on my books, and I know many of my colleagues and collaborators have, too. But this is a quite rare and extremely fortunate position to be in.
Most unpaid overtime and perhaps some paid overtime, too is undertaken out of a desire to progress at work and not from any underlying pleasure or purpose from working those hours. The expectation of prolonged working hours permeates a number of different professions, from banking, advertising and law to education and other public services, as well as poorly paid positions in the arts. There is huge pressure on staff to be the first one in and the last to leave, so everyone comes in earlier and leaves later. A typical filming day lasted about 16 hours, from leaving the hotel to returning, and this was for six days out of seven, over a period of four weeks.
Long hours in TV are seen as a badge of honour, when instead they adversely affect happiness and, I suspect, productivity too. As for the social narratives surrounding love and marriage, the narrative traps are everywhere. An overwhelming majority of us report considering marriage as part of our ideal lifestyle and we often project this preference on to others, too.
This is wilfully overoptimistic. Any given relationship is much more likely to end than it is to result in living happily ever after. Two in five marriages in the UK end in divorce. We have to come to terms with those odds. We expect passionate love to be nothing but pleasurable when, in fact, it can be quite damaging, just like any other compulsion and to last for ever when, for the vast majority of us, the high dies after about a year , and our spouse to satisfy all of our needs which no one human being ever can. But if for the most part during that relationship both partners were happy, how can it be a shame or a waste of time?
A breakup is most likely to be in the best long-term interests of both parties.
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How many of you are knowingly with someone now who is worse than a previous partner? We are highly adaptive creatures who are very good at moving on. So, if in doubt, best get out. Divorce hurts the children of couples who separate, though, right?
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Well, yes, to a degree. Those born into high-conflict relationships report greater happiness as adults if their parents split up compared to those whose parents stayed together. There are many decision-makers who could start to tackle the narrative traps of love and marriage. Parents could warn their children about the dangerous fairytale narrative that love always means living happily ever after. This would then result in less psychological, financial and health-related support being required for the eventual fallout from a less than perfect marriage. Schools could do more to provide teenagers with the basic facts on love: that you can expect the passion to diminish would be a good place to start.
This will help youngsters to see through the fog of social narratives so that they can make more informed choices. The legal system also needs to rethink how it deals with marriage and divorce, and the welfare of children affected by both. There are good libertarian and egalitarian grounds for the state to stop incentivising marriage eg, by removing the tax breaks for married people that are not available to single people. It can, instead, allow for a range of different contracts between two or more individuals, so that people can specify the rights and responsibilities in the relationship that best suit their unique set of circumstances.
Where the state does intervene in family matters, it should focus directly on strengthening the relationships that each parent has with their children.
In this way, governments can focus on what really matters — strong parenthood to the benefit of children — without having to interfere in the relationship between the parents. Going against the grain of social narratives can be challenging. As I said earlier, it is likely that the task is being made harder by the powerful role played by social media, which, overall, have made visible, and consequently magnified, the importance of having achieved according to the main narratives.
You can find Becoming Minimalist , a group with more than , members, which actively celebrates spending less money with an emphasis on sustainable living. This can act as a nice counterbalance to the prevailing narratives.
Returning to the guy who accosted me at that festival at Hay-on-Wye, he was very clear that I had a duty to act in a certain way. Judging by some of the comments that have been written about me online, he is not alone.
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- The Wrong Sister: Forbidden brother-in-law second chance romance (Wicked in Wellington Book 5).
When I stated publicly a while ago that I do not like to read fiction , I was judged very harshly for this by other academics as well as in the press. So not only am I expected to conform to stories about how LSE professors ought to behave when I am working, I am expected to use my leisure time in ways that conform with the stereotype, too. I have often felt obliged to rein in who I am because I do not conform to what is expected of me in my career.
It rarely feels pleasurable to go against the grain, but it often feels purposeful. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end.
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The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then… and then nothing. Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And because of that, I failed at it. I hardly tried at all. The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit.
The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. I just liked to imagine the top. End of story. I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape.
People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it.
People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it. This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes.